so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
