its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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