Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
