Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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