I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
