So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
