Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
