ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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