My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
