I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
