he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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