This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
