I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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