I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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