I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
