I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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