I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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