batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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