Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
