I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
