you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
