My friends, they love my intelligence
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
