I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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