Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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