Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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