I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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