Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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