dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We smell like vodka and hangover
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