someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
