drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
