i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
