somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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