i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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