Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
