remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
