Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
