oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I puked a lego.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
