I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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