Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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