It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
