I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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