...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
