You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
