Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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