we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
