2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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