Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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