Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
