I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
