If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
