dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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