um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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