he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
