I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize