I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
