You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights