I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed