She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"