Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize