508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
