The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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