I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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